A Letter to You

If any of you have been reading this blog for any length of time you know that I went through a period where I was deeply hurt by some friends in my life at that time.  The residual effects are crazy, but God is good and He's preparing me for something greater.  As I was laying in bed last night praying I couldn't get the situation off of my mind.  This is not something new.  I often think about it.  I think I just want to be heard.  I want them to know that I still think about them and that it kills me that they aren't part of my life anymore, even though I know I am probably better off.  So, as I was writing this letter in my head I decided to put it out there.  Part of the healing process you know, taking it from your heart to paper (or type in this case).  I have sat down to write this countless times, so if it doesn't make sense or doesn't flow that's okay because it just free flowing from my heart.  

Dear Friend,
     As I watch from afar and see our lives continually drift further and further apart I can't help but wonder...  was it something I said, was I the cause of this divide?  I'm sure I had a part to play; it takes two.  I hope you know that I'm sorry for the role I played in this whole thing.  

This whole situation is just unbelievable.  Two years ago I would have told you that you're crazy if you said that we wouldn't be speaking today.  Two years ago I thought we would be there for each other for our weddings, babies, and being called twins in our old age just as we were in our teenage years.  Our husbands would still be best friends just as we were, our babies would become best friends, and life would never change.  Unfortunately, that picture is shattered, broken on the floor.  I stare down at the pieces and think, what happened?  I know what happened on the surface, but I still find myself baffled, not understanding why.  

I wish you could sit in my shoes and see what I've been through.  Maybe then you would understand.  There have been moments where I really should have sought out counseling, but I was too prideful and stuck.  Yes, ironic, a counselor embarrassed to go to counseling.  There were plenty of moments where I questioned myself and threw up my guard to avoid the pain and to protect myself from getting hurt.  I was afraid to open  myself back up because the one friend I never thought would abandon me did.  I've struggled with bitterness, unforgiveness, jealousy, resentment, anger, and all the nasty little feelings in between.  

Despite all of that, I find myself still missing you.  Even though my life is completely different than it was, I still wonder if we will ever run into each other or if you will ever reach out to mend things.  I wonder how it would be if we just said we're sorry.  I wonder... 

But most of all, I want you to know that I forgive you.  I've finally been able to free myself from that piece of the bitterness puzzle.  Am I healed?  No.  Am I on my way?  Yes.  The Lord really does reveal Himself through our pain and trials.  I'm trusting that this is just a piece of my journey and I truly believe it is shaping me into the person I am meant to me.  I'm grateful for the time we were best friends and will never forget the memories we made together.  They made my life more beautiful.  Who knows what people will walk in and out of my life over the years to come, but I'm trusting that Lord has a plan even if it means breaking me down and building me into something new.  For it is not my plan, but His.  So, that's my heart and the words that have been bottled up for a while, too long.  I'm putting myself out there and trusting in Him.  For He is the almighty healer, the only counselor I need, and a friend that sticks closer than a brother.  He knows what He's doing and I believe that whether or not we ever come together again it is meant to be.          

On Feeling Complacent

Complacent- Contented to a fault; self-satisfied and unconcerned

Satisfied to a fault.  That describes my state of mind right now.  I'm feeling complacent.  In my job, in my spiritual life, in my every day life, complacent, unmoved, unmotivated...satisfied.  I'm not satisfied in a good way though.  It's like the color grey.  Not, bright and moving nor dark and dull, just there, just grey.  Not to say I'm grumpy or sad or depressed.  No, I'm just not motivated.  Do you ever feel that way?  Maybe it's just me.  I'm going along with the motions of life.  I like to feel passionate, driven, excited, enthused.  Complacency does not yield those feelings.  It leads to stagnation and contentment.  I don't want to be stagnant.  I want to ebb and flow, meet the challenge head on, continually seek out new adventure, always seek Christ in new ways, but I'm not doing that right now.  I'm just floating.  Security and comfort are important to sanity, yes, but detrimental to growth.  I want to expand my horizons and pour back into my passions.  I want to light the fire of excitement and dig deep into what life has to offer.  The answer is simple, but the action is hard.  I think that's what makes it fun.  You've got to take control of your life and get out of the rut of complacency.  Maybe I'll try a new hobby or just get motivated to get out from in front of the television. Maybe I'll read a new counseling journal and get excited about my job again.  Maybe I'll listen to a new worship album or pour myself into volunteering at church again instead of just showing up.  I don't know what the cure is, but the blessing is that there is a cure and it's a fun one.  Just get off my booty and take control.  It's my one and only life to do it.  

Dig a Ditch

Well hello there long lost friends!  I know I have been MIA for quite a while...a month to be exact, but to be honest with you work is kicking my butt.  I have been so exhausted and literally fall asleep every night before 9:00.  I know, old womanlike.  Anyways, I have had a relaxing Sunday and figured I should venture back into the blogging world.  Something that has really spoken to me this weekend is the concept of "digging ditches".  No, not like a construction worker or gravedigger, but in a spiritual sense.  

Pastor Steven Furtick, my pastor, released his new book Greater recently and it has been our series at church these past two weeks.  The book is hitting spiritual spots on my heart, especially this week.  This week we talked about digging ditches.  Elisha was asked to pray to the Lord to bring water to the armies who were dying of thirst in the dessert and God responded "make this valley full of ditches".  He meant that if the armies would make preparations in faith that the Lord would show His faithfulness and bring the rain.  

This really struck me.  So many times I pray to God to make something happen in my life.  I pray for reconciled relationships, I pray for the will to forgive, I pray for people to be saved, I pray for purpose, etc. etc., but rarely do I make the room for God to move.  

God is omnipotent, yes, but we are not helpless.  He expects us to get up and step out in faith.  We cannot expect God to honor our faith if we do not demonstrate it to Him.  All we have is all God needs, but we need to use what we have to prepare the way for the Lord to do greater things in our lives.  I am so guilty of this.  I just expect that God will answer every prayer and I can just sit back and watch.  Not the case.  I need to get up and start digging some ditches because God has a rainfall coming my way that will cause the ditches to overflow with blessings.  So let's get dirty and dig some ditches.   

Camp 658

This week my sister, Melissa, and I had the amazing opportunity to volunteer with Project 658 as a "coach" at Camp 658.  This camp was organized and held at a local apartment complex in a low-income area of our city.  For four days we got to hang out, play with, and reach out to children from the surrounding area.  It truly was an incredible experience.  We did arts and crafts, sports, games, and of course talked a lot about Jesus.  The kids have an incredible spirit and were so full of life and joy. 

Each day we would walk to the surrounding apartment complexes and go to the doors to pick up the kids.  Some kids didn't speak English, but still wanted to come.  They were all so sweet and fun.  Many of the kids would just run up, grab your hand or crawl on your back, and be ready to go.  I can tell you I got a major workout from carry kids around all week!  Just an added bonus!  Two days of the week were dedicated to art and two were dedicated to sports and playing outside.  The kids loved it all.  They were up for anything and it was so sweet to be able to teach them new things and see their little faces light up when they accomplished something.  

I truly believe that Jesus calls each of us to serve our cities and  communities.  We are all so blessed to know Christ and need to be a light in the world.  Whether you like working with kids, adults, the elderly, or just doing something with your hands, the Lord can use your talents and skills.  Trust that you can make a difference.  Just holding a child's hand or serving someone a meal goes a lot further than we think.  So get on out there and make a difference!  You will receive just as many blessings as the people you are serving.

Friendship

Sorry I have been so absent on here lately.  I promise I'm not abandoning you, I've just had some serious writer's block, like really bad.  Anyways, a topic I have been thinking a lot about lately is friendship.  As a woman friends are critical.  Growing up, during your middle and high school years, nothing could come between you and your girlfriends.  They are the ones you told your deepest secrets to, the ones you danced around the kitchen at 2 AM with, and the ones who knew you better than you knew yourself.  As we get older the importance of friendship does not change, but the types of friendships do change. 

Whether we like to admit it or not friends don't always stick around, no matter how close you are to them.  People come and go, your expectations change, you change, and your life moves forward regardless.  I think especially when you get married you redefine your friendships.  I no longer run to my closest girlfriend to pour my heart out to, I turn to my husband.  Instead of planning my weekend around my friends, I plan to spend time with my husband.  Some people stick around for the ride and join in the change, while others jump ship.  

This doesn't mean that a married woman doesn't need friends, she certainly does.  Marriage just changes your friendships, whether we like it or not.  There are times when I yearn for my old best friends and that time of my life was amazing.  The Lord really blessed me with some great friends as I grew up.  Those women shaped part of my life and I am thankful for that.  Friends mold and shape us, they live life with us.  

The good thing is, the Lord's timing is perfect.  He knows exactly who we need in our lives at any given moment.  I can speak this through experience.  I know that my old friendships are not going to be brought back to their glory days, but I do know that the Lord is constantly moving.  As our lives change, the people are strategically placed at any given moment.  See, the Lord makes all things new.  I used to be in a really dark place in the area of friendship in my life.  I don't like to admit that, but it was a dark time of my life.  The good news, the Lord is working through and making friendship new in my life.  I can see him placing Godly women in my life and bringing me out of the darkness to a new point of light.  He is restoring my belief in friendship and I see a new purpose through it all.   
 

Be a Bucket Filler

 This morning we had a staff meeting.  I mostly dread staff meetings because they long, drawn out, and mostly flub, so I sloughed into ours this morning with similar expectations.  Most of the meeting met those expectations, but at the end of the meeting our principal hesitantly pulled out a children's book to read to us with the intent of boosting morale.  With the expectation of being laughed out of the room, he carefully opened the book and prefaced it by acknowledging the potential of humiliation.  The little book was titled Have You Filled a Bucket Today?.  It talks about how we each walk around with an invisible bucket.  Now, this bucket starts out each day being empty.  The day calls for it to be filled or depleted again.  As we walk around each day we have the opportunity to fill someone's bucket or to be a "bucket dipper".  With love, acts of compassion, kindness, and respect we carefully fill one another's buckets.  With every mean word, dismissal, and careless or unknown act of coldness we become bucket dippers.  As you fill someone else's bucket, you fill your own as well.  

As he finished reading through the book I could feel myself becoming happier.  He concluded the meeting by passing out slips of paper that we can fill out and let someone know how they have filled our bucket.  He also gave us a solo cup to symbolize our buckets.  I am not one for cheesy gimmicks, but this one made my day.  I love the idea of being a bucket filler.  What an elementary concept that adults still do not understand.  With one small action you can add a little bit of happiness to that person's life.  I don't do this nearly as often as I should.  We all become caught up in the spiral of negativity and I find myself complaining more often than showing gratefulness.  I want to be a bucket filler at my job and in my life in general.  So what are you?  Are you a bucket filler or a bucket dipper?  Go be a bucket filler!!

Sharing My Story

 Hey Lovelies.  Today I am over at Amber's blog Pless Press to share my story.  She has a wonderful guest post series where she encourages women to share their stories of how the Lord is working in their lives.  I decided this would be a great place to be a little vulnerable and share about a difficult part of my life.  I really hesitated to write this, but I hope that by sharing my story it will resonate with some other women and encourage them through Christ's love.  Without further ado, go check out my story!

The difficulty of the trial you survived indicates the depth of blessing that's ahead. God TESTS you to PROMOTE you.   - Pastor Steven Furtick

I want

Sometimes in life, well a lot of times, I feel stuck.  I feel like the selfishness of others pulls my courage down and makes me shrink.  While this is not a fun place to be, there is a positive side to these funks. Times like these make me reflect on what I want in life, about what kind of person I want to be.  It is a catalyst for the way I want to live my life.  I want to be happy.  I want so much more out of this beautiful existence the Lord has given me than an everyday life. 


I want to breathe in grace and exhale mercy. I want to say what I mean and mean what I say and NOT be afraid. I want to right my wrongs and learn from my mistakes.

 I want to cherish the small things, like laughing in bed with Brandon and making a child smile at my job. I want to hug tightly and love deeply.

I want the mindset of Christ, to just keep moving forward against opposition.

There are so many things I want in life.  I don't always know where or how to start, but I do know that life is worth more than a boring existence.  I do know that the Lord equips us with exactly what and who we need when we need it; and I do know that we get unstuck and keep moving forward in pursuit of a beautiful brokenness that we call life.  

21 Day Challenge

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This time of year, most of us tend to think...ok, starting January 1st, I'm going to lose ______ pounds, eat healthier, take time for _______, do this and that. There is nothing wrong in any of those things, especially in setting goals for yourself.  The only problem is, at least for me, I set these goals and have no one to encourage me, no accountability and they just end up by the wayside.  I'm sure this is not a problem for anyone else, right?  That's what I thought.  We all struggle to hold strong to our goals and resolutions that the new year always brings.  That's why I am partnering up with 2 beautiful women (who are also NC State grads, can't go wrong there :) to offer you the opportunity to join us in the 21 Day Challenge.  I, along with Leslie from The Dearmans and Amy from Fit New Mama, are linking up to pose the 21 day challenge to work on holistic goals, including spiritual and physical health.  This is an opportunity for us to join together as one community to encourage each other in 2012!  Doesn't that sound like a fun way to start off the new year. We can all do 21 days...that is only 3 weeks!

First and foremost, to start off our new year, we need to seek our Lord. This past fall, Leslie went through the book How to Pray in 28 Days by Kay Arther and it sparked the idea behind this whole thing. She began thinking of the importance for us to pray, pray specifically, pray correctly, and pray together as believers. I am also going to work on this through the new year.  Praying for each other and praying consistently are two things I definitely want to work on.  In order to do this we have formed a group through youversion.com that we would love for you all to join. It will include 21 days of scripture that focuses on prayer, whether through examples or by what Christ has to say about prayer. I can't think of a better way to bring in 2012 than by praying specifically for our walks with Christ, our family, our friends, our nation, and for others to know Him.

Secondly, lets get our bodies in check, physically and nutritionally. I'm not asking you to lose a pound or stop eating _______, but to serve the Lord in this aspect of your life. Whether you are a mom, sister, friend, wife or whatever, we all have a reason to live a healthy lifestyle. We will be using myfitnesspal.com. You can set your own goals whatever they may be and make it a priority to be healthy.  After all, we all know what a marriage does for our waistlines, just me, ok fine.  

Who knows maybe we will be one strong accountability community!!!

Ok...so you are in right???

All you need to do is leave a comment including your name and email address to show us that you are interested in joining us for this 3 week journey through spiritual and bodily health. Feel free to list this on your blog as well to get others involved and be sure to add our button to your post, found above. No matter where you are in life, let's bring in the New Year together!  After all it is only 21 days . We can encourage each other for 21 days right??  I will send you all an email on December 31st with links to join our groups. Woohoo!

*Partnering with Amy at Fit New Mama and Leslie at The Dearmans.*

Inconvenience Me

Last week I was privileged to attend Ladies Night at my church.  It was a night geared towards connecting, encouraging, and pouring into the women.  Our campus pastor's wife spoke on the topic of asking God to inconvenience us, asking God to open our eyes to opportunities to speak life into others.  

The way she said it, inconvenience me, made me think about something.  How many times have I missed the opportunity to bless someone or to pour into someone because it was out of my way, I didn't have time...it was inconvenient.  I believe that God moves when life gets hard, when it's not easy.  God moves when we sacrifice ourselves, our time for Him, for His time, His purpose.  If we learn to open our eyes to see the favor God has placed in our life we can open our eyes to opportunity.  When we recognize our strengths we can use them for the good of others.  

No, it may not always be convenient.  It may be as we're leaving the office for the day, it may be when you're in a hurry, or as you are walking out of church on your way to lunch.  You never know what situation a person is going through, even if you think you know them.  Your time, your words, your presence could show the love of Christ and change their life forever. 

I pray that the Lord would inconvenience me.  In my job, in my church, in my every day life, inconvenience me Lord.  I want to see the opportunities around me to show favor to others, to be a light into the darkness that is some people's existence.  Use me Lord and help me to recognize those opportunities and to never let them pass me by.   

It Takes Courage

I was sitting at dinner the other night at one of my favorite restaurants with my sweet hubby sitting across from me.  He was making good conversation and it was a great night.  I couldn't help but notice, I was feeling stressed.  I told Brandon that I was feeling stressed.  When he asked why, I said I don't know.  The problem was, I knew exactly why.  I was thinking about those people who had hurt me in the past.  You know, the ones you thought would be there for you forever, but weren't.  Yeah, we all have these people in our lives.  I quite frequently find myself thinking back to those moments.  The ones that changed my life forever.  The ones that changed me forever.  That brought me back to reality and the fact that people are fallible.  

I saw the above quote on Pinterest after dinner and it resonated so loudly with my situation.  I was vulnerable with these people.  It took a lot.  Since that time period, I find that I am more guarded, less apt to be vulnerable.  I'm afraid to share my deepest feelings.  When I saw this quote I instantly knew why.  It took courage to share my pain.  I was vulnerable and raw.  I opened myself up, but the courage was not recognized.  Why does it take so much courage to show our feelings?  I wish it didn't.  I wish our feelings didn't make us feel ashamed.  Feelings are God's mirror to our souls.  Please handle them with care.  

These relationships are cracked and part of me wants to repair them, but the courage is gone.  I think about it all of the time.  I want so badly to be able to build this courage again, to be able to let my guard down and dive into the depths of friendship, but I am scared.  I find that I am doubting myself and my feelings of discomfort scream so loudly.  There is hope though.  Through this situation I have found that my courage should come from Christ and with this I find my inner strength.   

So friends, if someone comes to you with any feeling, you may not agree and may not know how to respond, regardless, remember to recognize the courage.  For courage is easily squashed and often the trust to reveal our feelings is quick to go with it.      

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On a completely different note, go enter my GIVEAWAY.  There are only a few entries so your chances of winning are very, very high. 

Project 31 Day 13: Perfecting Imperfection

 Day 13.  Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.

I'm not perfect.  I'm the first to admit it.  There are many things I would like to change about myself.  Some are necessary and some are my own critical eye.  Regardless of where the desire to change comes from change is necessary.  I want to continuously seek growth opportunities in my life.  

One of the main areas I want to improve upon is my patience, which ties hand-in-hand with my need to have a plan and have control.  I admittedly am a Type-A personality.  I like having a plan.  I like knowing what is coming next.  I need to be able to have control over the situation.  Being out of control, flying by the seat of my pants, is somewhat anxiety provoking for me.  This is where my patience issues come into play.  I was blessed with the gift of patience.  I get impatient, especially when there is not a plan, when there is a lack of decision making.  Now, this does not mean that I need every moment planned out with no spontaneity.  I like being prepared for what is coming next.  

The only problem is, I am not God.  I do not have it all figured out, but He does.  He is the mastermind behind my life.  When I get impatient I need to wait for the Lord.  When I get anxious about not having a plan, I need to press into my faith.  Last week, Pastor Craig Groeschel was our guest speaker at church and he gave an interesting illustration.  Jesus is the lamp unto our feet, but the lamp lights our feet not the entire journey ahead of us.  Jesus gives me exactly what I need to get through the present moment.  I don't need to question what lies ahead because Jesus' lamp moves with my feet.  I want to become more faithful and less impatient.  I want my plan to become smaller and His to become greater.  I am not in control nor should I be.   

Stand in Line

All these victims
Stand in line for
The crumbs that fall from the table
Just enough to get by
All the while
Your invitation
Wake on up from your slumber
Come on open up your eyes 

                        -NEEDTOBREATHE

Needless to say The Reckoning has been dominating my car rides lately.  Let me just say, the car is my jammin' out place.  It's where I pretend I'm on stage and sing my lungs out.  Music really speaks to me and whenever I hear a new song or new album I really try to listen to the lyrics and try to get the meaning out of the words.  Well I was listening to Slumber today on NeedtoBreathe's new album today and I've heard it several times already, but when I was really listening today the lyrics above got me thinking.  

We are all these victims.  We stand in line to accept only the crumbs that fall from the table.  We are only looking for enough to get by, but is this what Christ wants for us.  I think not.  We can get so blinded by our need to survive and forget how much more God wants for our lives.  We continuously settle for the bare minimum in life and forget that the greatest invitation is waiting on us each day.  We don't have to settle for the crumbs because Christ has an entire feast waiting on us, we just need to wake up and open up our eyes.  

It's amazing how a few lines of a song can really speak to a much greater picture.  It triggers things that you may forget in the daily drum of life.  This is something I want to work on.  I want to continuously seek out God's will for my life and to never settle for a ho-hum world.  I want to wake up to the excellence I know is waiting on me. 

Pray for You

Have you ever had someone say "I'll pray for you"  and you think to yourself "will you really?"  Prayer is something that should not be taken lightly.  It is our direct communication with God and I often wonder if people really are praying for me when they say they are.  I know that I am also guilty of this and it is something I want to work on.  

On the other hand, there are instances where I know people are genuine in prayer and I know without a shadow of a doubt that they are praying for me when they say they are going to.  Today someone told me they would pray for me and I believe them.  It is so reassuring to know that someone else is lifting you up.  It is too easy to get bogged down in my own prayer life.  I often feel like I pray the same prayers, ask for the same things, but there is something about someone else praying for me that makes me feel loved, cared for, and that they are concerned enough to include me in their prayer life. 

Oftentimes, the sad thing is that the people who are genuine in their prayer offerings are not my close friends, no they are strangers.  They are people in my church who lift me up; they are people in the blogospere (hint, hint that's you potentially); they are people who may never know me.  Why is it that people outside of my own personal life are more apt to pray for me and my struggles than people who know me the best?  

The good thing is that it shouldn't matter who is praying for you.  I am thankful for all of the voices that speak on my behalf, the ones who care enough to lift up my petty concerns and struggles.  I want to be one of those people, who cares enough to pray for a complete stranger who in fact is my brother or sister in Christ.  

How can I pray for you today?  Maybe you are feeling lonely, left out, having relationship issues, or just having a daily struggle.  Maybe you feel like no one else will pray for you in your time of need (I've often felt that way).  So what is it?  Leave a comment and know, I am praying for you and I mean it.               

It's Not Like the Movies

Do you ever wish your life was like a movie or a television remote?  I mean have you ever wanted to hit the rewind button, edit certain events in your journey, cut and paste, or erase a scene all together?  I've been thinking a lot about the things that have occurred in my life in the past year and a half or so.  There are certain things I would keep on repeat and certain things I would rather redo.   There are moments that make my heart melt and that keep me smiling, but there are moments that have wrecked my soul and that continue to haunt me.  

Sometimes I wish I could hit the edit tab and I think If only I had seen what I know now, then (insert Taylor Swift reference here).  If I could just go back and get a redo, I could change it and maybe I wouldn't feel this way today.  With the simple touch of a button I could edit the scene and, in retrospect, I could make it right.  I could make that person treat me better, I could retract that statement, I could invest my time differently, and in effect I could have no regrets.      

Maybe life would be easier this way, maybe it would lessen our stress, but the reality is that life is not like the movies.  There are struggles, there are joys and tears, moments come and just as quickly they are gone.  Yes, it is not like the movies and we do not have a remote control, but there is good news.  Our creator has a magnificent, perfect plan with every detail laid out just as it should be.  The tears are not for loss, but for our gain.  He works all things for our good.  So, yes we do not have life on DVR, but we have a Mastermind who knows every second of our existence.  He is in control of every moment and because of this, no remote control needed.        

 

The Valley

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow." --maya angelou

I feel the need to write a difficult post that I have needed to write for a while.  Most of the time I blog about happy moments, moments of joy, the up's of life, but I feel that sometimes it is important to be transparent, to be vulnerable.  Now, don't misunderstand it is a not a post of self-pity, but a post of personal healing, of personal process.  

I'm in a season of change in my life, a season of transition where people I thought were going to be there for the long haul have fallen short and left me to drive the cart on my own.  I am a firm believer that the Lord places people in our lives for specific purposes.  Some are there just for a season and some are there forever.  Don't get me wrong I have the forever kind of people in my life, my husband, parents, sister, but over the past year or so I have experienced a season of challenge with other people in my life.  I feel betrayed, hurt, lonely at times, and misunderstood by certain people.  To be quite honest I often feel defeated.  

As most of you know, I'm pretty passionate about relationships and when they don't work out it's extremely difficult for me to move on.  The emotions rise up and fill my soul, they command my attention and leave me broken.  The Lord brings us through the valley so that we can see the mountain.  I feel like the Lord is calling me to move forward, to start anew when it comes to these issues.  I have a strong sense that I cannot let my past continue to invade my present.  I cannot continue to let these people rent space in my head and in my emotions as they have for awhile.  

I have to trust that the Lord is bringing a new season with new relationships.  I have to purge these people.  The happy memories will always be dear but new memories are calling.  It's difficult, but necessary for healing.   I have to continue to seek relationships that lift me up and I must keep trekking through the valley...for a new season is on horizon.     

Project 31 Day 10: The Lessons of Marriage

Day 10.  What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? 

I think the better question here is what is He not teaching me as a wife.  I have learned so much since I have taken on the title of being Brandon's wife.  In case you didn't know, marriage takes work.  Yes it is wonderful, roses and butterflies, but it takes much of two people.  During our ceremony our officiant spoke these words over us and they are so true.

Marriage is a sacred relationship.  It requires much of two people- sometimes more than you feel you can  give each other. But God promises to be with you in the marriage and help you with its responsibilities. The Bible speaks of a single strand of cord as fragile and breakable, but a cord of two strands becomes much stronger.  A cord of three is stronger yet.  May your marriage always be a cord of three strands- you, your beloved, and the presence of God.

 The main thing that Jesus is teaching me as a wife is that we have to rely on Him.  Marriage does require much of two people,  but the Lord only tests the limits of one's abilities so that we have to rely on him and become dependent on his strength and grace.  As a wife, I may not always live up to my husband's expectations.  Life may throw us curveballs and challenge our relationship. But if we continue to stand under his grace and mercies we can get through anything together.  Marriage without Christ doesn't even make sense.  Marriage was created for Christ as a means for us to glorify him and to help lift each other higher in our faith.  Marriage teaches me humility.  It shows me that in order to be a good wife to my husband I have to rely on the wisdom of the creator of marriage.   

Not only am I learning to depend and rely on Christ through my marriage, but I am also learning patience.  Boy, am I learning patience.  Patience has never been one of my strongest virtues.  To be quite honest, I struggle with being patient.  This is true in  my faith and is definitely true in my marriage.  For example, I like my house to be neat.  Not like OCD neat but I like it to be picked up.  Brandon is let's just say not of the same mindset.  Cleanliness is not one of his virtues.  I have to be patient with the pile of boxers in the bathroom, the dishes in the sink, and the work clothes strewn all over the extra bedroom.  I'm learning to pick and choose my battles because often my lack of patience leads to annoyance and frustration with my husband.  I am having to learn to let him play one more round of League of Legends before asking him to pick up his undies.  I'm learning to respect our differences and try to find the common ground first.  I'm learning patience, slowly, but the Lord is growing this virtue in me through my marriage.  

  
I could go on and on about what the Lord is teaching me as a wife, but I will refrain.  A final thing that I am learning through marriage is to adapt and grow, to put his needs before my own, to learn to love as Christ loved us.  I am learning the true feeling of love.  The selfless sacrifice it sometimes requires.  The Bible says for wives to submit to their husbands and for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church.  Now the word submit sometimes throws me off and flares my feminist urges, but what we are really called to do is to place each other before ourselves.  This is not a road we walk alone.  Sometimes we have to pick each other up, lead one another, and love the way Christ loved us.  We walk this road of life together.  We have to adapt together, grow together in love.  

Every day I learn something new as a wife.  It challenges me daily as a person, a partner, and as a Christian.  Marriage is meant to teach us things.  To help us learn from our Savior.  It is a lifelong opportunity for him to teach us and I want to embrace those teachings daily because at the end of the day I get to fall asleep next to my best friend.  Despite the bumps of this journey, the disagreements, the normalcy of marriage  I get to do all the things in my vows: I get to encourage and inspire you,  laugh with you, comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle,  love you through good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when it is simple and when it is an effort.  I get to do all of these things.  Through each of these promises the Lord is lifting me up and teaching me how to fulfill them as Brandon's wife.  I learn a new lesson every moment, every day. 

What is Christ teaching you through your marriage or relationships?

High Class Problems

A while ago at my church Pastor Steven Furtick talked about high class problems.  You know those problems that present themselves as so urgent, so stressful, so crucial.  The truth is many of our problems are high class problems.  They aren't really problems at all.  Like, not being able to decide between steak and ribs for dinner and so you get stressed out because you can't decide what to cook.  When you think about it, people all over the world are asking themselves "will I be able to eat tonight".  High class problems.  

When I think about what I get stressed over I feel foolish and selfish.  For example, just yesterday I had a breakdown.  A stress breakdown over a HIGH class problem.  On Monday, I got a call from a principal saying that she was recommending me to HR for hire as a school counselor.  Wonderful, right.  I was super excited, thrilled really.  Then today, another wonderful school calls and leaves a message.  I know they are calling for the same reason, to recommend me for hire.  I was so torn and confused that I called my mommy like a baby and had a breakdown.  Decision-making is not my forte and I hate making crucial decisions like this.  I called Brandon and he said "baby, this is a good problem to have".  

What a needed reminder of how good we all really have it.  Thanks hubby.  I mean really, two jobs wanting me and here I am crying and freaking out.  I know I was just overwhelmed with this crucial decision, but honestly, I need to consider the severity of my dilemmas before reacting to them.  I want to focus on the blessings of my situation.  The Lord's blessings are abundant and flowing in my life and my decision-making skills are not up to par to sort through them all.  High class problems, friends.  They surround me and infiltrate my life, clouding my vision and blinding me to the blessings.  I pray that I will be more aware of the degree of my dilemmas and be able to react with grace and humility.  I want to be more aware of the good things in life and focus on reacting to those instead of reacting to the minute issues that arise that, really, in the scheme of things aren't problems at all.          

Expect Nothing Less

We all have expectations.  Expectations for ourselves, expectations for others, expectations for our futures.  The only letdown is...our expectations are not always met, or rather they are rarely met.  I hold myself to high standards in my actions, daily responsibilities, and most importantly in my relationships.  As most of you have heard, I pour myself into my relationships, probably to a fault.  It's one of those things where my high expectations are both a strength and a weakness.  They are a strength because I hold myself to a high standard as a friend, a wife, and as a person; however, they are a weakness because I also expect others to reciprocate this type of treatment.  I expect that when a friend is in need, small or large, that I will be there for them.  This is a standard I hold for myself, to unconditionally provide support whenever I am able.  I expect that I will give my all into my relationships and endeavors, whether that is in my career, volunteering on Sunday mornings, or just loving on my family.  

I hate to say it, but as I am growing as an adult I am quickly realizing that my expectations for others are often fallen short of.  It makes me wonder...are my expectations too high, are they unable to be met?  The more I think and process this I realize that it is important to have expectations.  You set your own standards based on your wants and needs, but more importantly based on what Christ wants for you.  Expectations help you keep a standard, so that the people you allow into your life are people of high caliber.  They are people who want to invest in you, who hold similar expectations.  God wants the best for each of us and wants us to choose wisely.  Expectations create a filter for us to choose relationships that bring us to a higher level, that cause us to raise the bar for ourselves.  When we have high expectations it is not the intent to be snobby or snooty, but rather to create an environment where you can continue to grow.  These expectations also help you fill your life with people who will not let you down because if they cannot meet your expectations (as long as they are realistic, mind you), if they cannot meet your needs then they will only lead to disappointment.  Those that do meet your expectations, who meet your needs, hold them close, cherish them.  So, keep those expectations.  Trust your instincts when it comes to setting, modifying, and raising your expectations.  For expectations define our relationships and bring us to the level that Christ expects for each of us.         

The Good Life

I went to eat at Chick-fil-a last night and as I was ordering I hear the customer beside me ask the cashier how he was doing.  The cashier's response caught my ear and caught a cord in my heart.  He said "I'm blessed, so I'm good".  Now, the common response would be the expected "I'm fine", but his response really struck me and I felt convicted.  

This past week has been somewhat stressful and I find myself becoming pessimistic and dwelling on the things I lack.  Does anyone else have moments, days, weeks like this?    I know we all deal with it, but it is our mindset that can determine how we work through it.  By the cashier saying he's blessed, it made me realize that I have been so focused on what I don't have that I forget about how blessed I am.  I think if we could train our minds and actions to answer to automatically filter out the negative thoughts and focus on the blessing, we would have much better days, at least I would.  Easier said than done, right?  It is mindblowing to me how the Lord can use a simple action from a somewhat routine experience to speak to me.  Furthermore, to solidify that God was trying to tell me something I hear the above song on my way home, Good Life by OneRepublic.  I mean this really is the good life, what do I have to complain about?  I love these lyrics, particularly:

Hopelessly
I feel like there might be something that I'll miss
Hopelessly
I feel like the window closes oh so quick
Hopelessly
I'm taking a mental picture of you now
'Cuz hopelessly
The hope is we have so much to feel good about

Thank you Lord for speaking to me through unordinary yet ordinary means and I pray that I would continue to listen to your calling and to seek you through my mindset and actions.  I pray that I would focus on the blessing, so that I may be a blessing to someone else.  Thank you for your steadfast patience with my selfish heart and I pray that You would continue to mold me into the woman You want me to be.