I was sitting at dinner the other night at one of my favorite restaurants with my sweet hubby sitting across from me. He was making good conversation and it was a great night. I couldn't help but notice, I was feeling stressed. I told Brandon that I was feeling stressed. When he asked why, I said I don't know. The problem was, I knew exactly why. I was thinking about those people who had hurt me in the past. You know, the ones you thought would be there for you forever, but weren't. Yeah, we all have these people in our lives. I quite frequently find myself thinking back to those moments. The ones that changed my life forever. The ones that changed me forever. That brought me back to reality and the fact that people are fallible.
I saw the above quote on Pinterest after dinner and it resonated so loudly with my situation. I was vulnerable with these people. It took a lot. Since that time period, I find that I am more guarded, less apt to be vulnerable. I'm afraid to share my deepest feelings. When I saw this quote I instantly knew why. It took courage to share my pain. I was vulnerable and raw. I opened myself up, but the courage was not recognized. Why does it take so much courage to show our feelings? I wish it didn't. I wish our feelings didn't make us feel ashamed. Feelings are God's mirror to our souls. Please handle them with care.
These relationships are cracked and part of me wants to repair them, but the courage is gone. I think about it all of the time. I want so badly to be able to build this courage again, to be able to let my guard down and dive into the depths of friendship, but I am scared. I find that I am doubting myself and my feelings of discomfort scream so loudly. There is hope though. Through this situation I have found that my courage should come from Christ and with this I find my inner strength.
So friends, if someone comes to you with any feeling, you may not agree and may not know how to respond, regardless, remember to recognize the courage. For courage is easily squashed and often the trust to reveal our feelings is quick to go with it.
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3 comments:
Thank you for writing this Christina!! I really struggle with speaking about my feelings. What you had to say was something that more people need to realize. Some people wear their heart on their sleeve...others have it locked inside their brain, where it has to work really really hard to come out. And if it is knocked down or ignored when it does come out it just makes it all even harder the next time. (I have a feeling I am gonna love your blog!!)
This is a really great post! I often struggle with the opposite problem, I always tell people what I'm thinking. Sometimes I wish I had a muzzle for my big ol' mouth. This is a good reminder though that sometimes it really takes courage for people to tell you how they feel. :)
Wow... I just got around to catching up with your blog, and this post was certainly something I needed to read. I know exactly what you're talking about. Especially when you're going through a rough time, and someone gets angry with you for acting unusual instead of taking the time to understand why and help you through the root of the problem. Feelings are fragile, and like you said, I wish they weren't. Thank you for the encouraging message, Christina. You're a wonderful woman of God!
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