I've been thinking about this post for the past few days. This post that I don't want to write, that I wish wasn't needed, and that makes me hurt. This past Tuesday night my Popaw passed away. There, I said it, as hard as it is, but writing is cathartic and so here it is. My heart hurts, my soul hurts, my body hurts...everything hurts.
Today at the memorial service the pastor talked about how Popaw knew something about everything. I could always count on him for those weird tidbits of information, the random facts that make you wonder where they came from. He was known as "Tourguide Popaw" because everywhere we went there was a story and he didn't hesitate to share it. He was so smart.
He was a family man and was so proud of me. He never hesitated to brag about his family. He loved his friends and made it a daily effort to invest in them. I always loved when the phone rang and the caller ID said restricted number. I always knew it was him. I think the thing I will miss the most are the breakfast dates. My mom, sister, Brandon, and I would meet Popaw for breakfast at one of his favorite restaurants, The Greystone. He knew exactly what my order was, a gravy biscuit and hashbrowns. If we were running late he would order for me.
The memories came flooding back this week. Grief has a funny way of grabbing hold of you at the strangest moments. One minute you are smiling, the next crying. Even though my grief is still very much present, my sweet husband has been such a calming force. The night I got the phone call, in the middle of sleep, he instantly wrapped me up and didn't try to say anything. He just was there. I think death makes you cherish life so much more. I cherish my past and I will certainly cherish the present.
This post is in no way eloquently written or even an expression of healing, but it is a start. I had the chance to create a slideshow for the memorial service and some of the pictures warmed my soul. Yes, God is working on my heart to bring me peace. It is coming slowly. The memories are being woven into my life's story and slowly, yes slowly, life will go on.
|My Granny and Popaw pregnant with my uncle|
|Popaw and baby me|
|Popaw and Granny at their favorite place|
|5 generations: me, my mom, Popaw, my great grandfather, and great-great grandmother|
|dying Easter eggs with the cousins|
|My high school graduation|
|Our rehearsal dinner|
|Before our wedding|
|so glad he was at my wedding|