Forgiveness. A loaded word. A loaded concept. A loaded action. Something I am struggling with. As a Christian forgiveness is a virtue that is crucial for us as believers. To be completely transparent, this is a part of my spiritual life that I am struggling with. There is a situation in my life that has created such hurt, such an offense that it continuously eats away at me and challenges me personally, emotionally, and spiritually. It is so easy to talk about forgiveness as if it takes no effort, no struggle; however, I believe it is one of the most difficult things to truly achieve.
How do I truly find the strength to forgive? Does forgiving mean I have to forget? Does it mean that I have to let that person back into my life? How do I forgive when they show no remorse? How do I know when I have fully forgiven them?
So many questions. I know the Word says to forgive seventy times seven times. I am just not there yet. Just when I start to move on, it comes back to haunt me, it is made apparent in my life again. I am reminded yet again of the pain. The pain that slowly creeps through my body and preys on my soul. I so desire to be able to forgive, to let this offense stop eating away at my life. I am thankful I have people in my life who support me through the struggle and who encourage me in this area. I am not there yet, but through prayer and consistent nurturing and attention I believe I will get there because God's timing is perfect.