Feeling It

To be honest and transparent with you all, I have to admit that I have not been in a good place emotionally for the last couple of weeks.  Lots of things have happened and my emotions were put in a tailspin.  For starters, Brandon broke his ankle, my mom was in the hospital for 6 days (very scary), I once again am dealing with old hurts being brought back up, etc, etc.  Now, this is not to wallow in self-pity, but simply to let you all know where this post is coming from.  I think inspiration can come from even the most painful moments.

I, like many women, wear my heart on my sleeve.  Being a counselor, I feel very connected and cognizant of my emotional state, which only intensifies things more.  While going through all of this I began to think about the line between emotional intensity and the need to turn things over to the Lord.  I think the Lord gives us emotions for a reason.  They help us make decisions, help us protect ourselves, teach us lessons, and make us vulnerable.  With that being said, I think a lot of Christians think that whenever something happens we can just give it over to the Lord and never look back.  That the feelings of the situation are no long warranted.  While it is true that the Lord does take our weights and makes us new, I don’t think we can just forget about the way we feel.  

As human beings, especially as good Southern girls, we try to conceal our pain and put on a front that everything is always ok.  We say “oh I’m fine” with that smile that we think hides everything.  As I moved through the emotional roller coaster that was the past two weeks or so, I realized that I need to give myself permission to feel it.  Our feelings are justified by our circumstances, whether or not another person would react the same way or not.  I did lay the circumstances at the feet of the Lord, but that doesn’t mean that I instantly felt okay.  Less burdened?  Yes.  But the pain was still there.  Just because we ask God to guide us through a circumstance does not take the hurt away.  As we move through a situation our emotions change and eventually the Lord gives us new perspective.  I think the Lord wants us to feel our emotions because they make us weak and the Lord can use the weak.  When the Lord works through the weak, nobody else gets the credit except Him.

I don’t know about you, but I am giving myself permission to feel it.  When I feel it, I know specifically how to pray and how to let the Lord work in my life.  That’s the beauty in the pain.  We move forward and see new vision…eventually.